RETURN OF THE SHINING

In the original story—The Shining—John Grafman and Zoran Segina waxed eloquently about the beauty (the shine) and the horror (elbow grease needed) associated with Mothers California Gold Ceramic polish products (see LA Car’s The Shining).

When the good people of Mothers Polish informed Zoran they’ve come up with a sequel that is designed to be all beauty without the need for elbow grease, he did what any good lawyer would do (Zoran, by the way, is the former chief of the Financial Litigation Unit of the United States Attorney for the Central District of California): He subpoenaed evidence to corroborate the claims. What follows are transcripts from text messages obtained by our senior editor-attorney*:

Mothers Automotive Research Laboratory*

Located in a highly classified area. Interior. Day.

First Engineer: So, what is he grumbling about this time?

Second Engineer: We haven't heard from him yet. Sometime ago we sent him for review our new Mother's California Gold ceramic line. We shipped shampoo, spray wax the works.

First Engineer: These are top of the new ceramic line products. What did he find wrong with any of them?

Second Engineer: Oh, he was not complaining. Far from it. He found the products to be of highest quality. He just griped that it takes too much time and work to do the proper application. First, washing and drying the surfaces and then applying and polishing spray wax.

Third Engineer: I think these influencers can be really lazy.

Second Engineer: He's not exactly an influencer. The guy has been an automotive journalist for over thirty years.

Third Engineer: Ok, so the old dude may not be agile. But what does he expect? For Mother’s to also include with the products a crew to wash and polish his car?

First Engineer: What did we send him this time?

Second Engineer: He was intrigued about our Ceramic Spray and Rinse, so we shipped him a sample for review. We also sent a Mothers California Gold Hydro Clay.  

Third Engineer: Is Ceramic Spray and Rinse the one where you just wash and rinse the car and while the surfaces are wet you spray the product onto the wet surface? And then you rinse with water and polish with a soft cloth.

Second Engineer: That's the very one.

Third Engineer: So, it cannot be any easier than that. That car should be sparkling like a diamond. I'm telling you, these influencers are lazy.

Second Engineer: Automotive journalist……

Third Engineer: Ah, potato, pohtato……

Junior Engineer: I heard from one of my sources that, in one instance, this journalist did not even wash the car first. He was pressed for time so he just sprayed off the dust with a hose, and then immediately applied Ceramic Spray and Rinse. He did rinse with water and then polished the car it with a soft cloth.

First Engineer: Have we heard from him whether this method worked? By the way, this is not a recommended procedure.

[unintelligible]

oooOOOooo

Santa Monica, California

The Automotive Journalist’s Driveway somewhere in Southern California. Exterior. Day.

Automotive Journalist/Reviewer(clutching a polishing soft cloth while staring incredulously at a mirror-like polished surfaces of his twelve-year-old station wagon): Wow!

* Okay, we’re kidding about the transcripts. They didn’t really come from the Mothers Automotive Research Laboratory. But Zoran really was once the chief of the Financial Litigation Unit for the US Attorney in the Central District of California. And, evidently, this really does sum up his opinion on the Mothers Ceramic Spray and Rinse & California Gold Hydro Clay products.